I Will Do Anything
by leekleekfreak
Summary: One-shot, Shelby reflects on her past and makes decisions about her future. A little one-sided Shell.


Her heals clicked as they met the white terrazzo flooring of the hallway. Click, click, click, the sound echoed around as she walked down the empty, partially lit hallway. With her brief case in hand she made her way past the dark classrooms and into the auditorium. She walked to the middle of the seats, to the director's desk and placed her briefcase down besides her feet. She sat and she stared into the darkness of the empty auditorium. Her students have been long gone, rehearsal ending hours ago, still Shelby sat in the auditorium all the same. She felt less cramped there, in her house she was stuck between all the tight walls, but here it was open, she could breath. She sat still, her eyes glazed over. She thought about everything because she couldn't pinpoint just one thing in her life that was wrong. For so many years she knew that her life had been fucked up but she suppressed those feelings, hiding them deep down inside of her beneath all the hardness and the bitchiness that she was so well known for. But now she couldn't keep those feelings down, years worth of self loathing and torment, she felt like she was going to vomit. A tear started to form in the corner of her eye but she paid no attention to it. She took a deep breath and sunk deep into the red velvet seats that her booster club has so generously provided when she renovated the auditorium.

She started to think about Rachel, it had been a week since Rachel had come to her rehearsal self-proclaiming herself the daughter of the Vocal Adrenaline coach. Shelby remembered it so vividly, as soon as the words escaped Rachel's lips Shelby was frozen, her mouth gaping open after an awkward 45 seconds of silence, Shelby barked at her students to leave the auditorium at once. There conversation following was not a pleasant one, Shelby could tell Rachel was uncomfortable and she had no way of comforting the girl. Instead, she excused herself and said she would call which she had yet to do. Meeting Rachel, she understood why she was never a mother, why she could never _be _a mother. She saw now that she was incapable of compassion of the intimate level. Even to her students she was barely able to console them when they weren't accepted into their school of choice of when they didn't get a scholarship. Shelby saw no way for her to form a bond with this girl. Even though this had been all that she had ever wanted since Rachel's birth she was now running scared and she didn't know what of. Maybe it was the fact that she hadn't been in a close relationship with anyone for years, romantic or friendly, or maybe it was that fact that Rachel would truly see her as she was, a woman who was so horribly broken. Shelby had honestly tried calling Rachel, she had multiple times but she couldn't force herself to do it.

Shelby wondered if being in a relationship was worth the emotional strain. She weighed the benefits of a platonic relationship versus a romantic one, she could no longer deny that she was so utterly alone and had been for years. She started to reconsider her relationship with Rachel; she thought that if she really tried to connect with the girl, it might not be so bad; they would be able to forge _something _out of their relationship, which was currently in shambles. She eyed the possibility of having a romantic relationship as well, something that she hadn't had since high school, not a real relationship anyways. Of course she slept a man occasionally, usually they were rival show choir directors driven to sex by their competitiveness and angry quarrels. She hadn't been meaningfully loved in so long she was desperate just for someone to touch her, hold her. She closed her eyes, and let her mind wander, lately her mind always ended up on Will, on his cute, sly smile, that curly brown hair. She couldn't tell if she was lusting after him because she was actually attracted to him, or if it was just her loneliness, perhaps it was the relationship that he had with Rachel that she so desperately wanted. She let her thoughts unravel even further, she imagined him laying with her, holding her tightly in his grasp, kissing her on her neck and on her shoulder. She stopped herself from thinking about it any further, she had always told herself that daydreaming was a waste of time, it was pointless and a distraction from reality, but lately she found herself slipping away more and more. Trying to suppress her feelings once again in hopes of not becoming overly emotional, she decided that she must be proactive in this situation. She dug her phone out of her briefcase and called Rachel's number. She waited as the rings echoed through the empty auditorium. She felt herself begin to tense the longer the phone rang. After the last ring, Rachel picked up the phone.

"Shelby?" She said inquisitively,

"Hi, Rachel," Shelby replied quietly, then quickly clearing her throat and talking with more vitality. "I want to meet somewhere, to talk is that alright? Maybe coffee after my rehearsal gets out?"

"I was wondering when you were going to call, I thought you weren't going to." Rachel said rather exuberantly, Shelby's heart sank a little. "I would love to meet you though, are you free Friday? Mr. Shue cancelled rehearsal because he has a meeting with Coach Sylvester and Principal Figgins, something to do with budget cuts…" Rachel rambled on and on, Shelby smiled.

"Friday then, 7 o'clock, does that work?" Shelby asked.

"Yep, see you soon Shelby." Rachel said happily.

"I miss you," Shelby blurted out haphazardly, there was silence on the other side of the line. "I'm sorry…" Shelby started but Rachel interrupted.

"I miss you too. A lot." Rachel tacked on the end for extra emphasis.

As Shelby hung up the phone, she hung her head and smiled. She loved Rachel and promised from then on, she would do anything it took to be with her.


End file.
